We all need a little chuckle.

The other day I was with a group of friends and we were passing jokes around. We all had a good laugh and it seemed to make the day go by faster and just a little bit brighter. Then I thought to myself, "Self, why don't you make a post about this." (That is a Mr. Brown reference for those that had him as a teacher.) So, here I am making a post.

I thought that I would leave a joke and others can use this to post jokes here as well. It's as much fun telling a good joke as listening to one. Besides, we all need a good joke to store in our memory banks. And I thought I would stick to an old person theme.

These two elderly women were out driving one sunny afternoon. They come up to an intersection. The car didn't slow down and ran right through the red light. The passenger became concerned with this. "Did we just go through a red light? No, it must be my old eyes playing tricks on me." the passenger thought to herself. "I will just pay closer attention the next time."

Another intersection came up and the car kept trucking through yet another red light. "Now I know we ran that one!" again speaking to herself.

Passenger: Ethel! Ethel! Did you know you just ran through two stop lights?!

Driver: Holy crap! Am I driving?

It's short but I thought it was very funny. And it is also clean. I know some better ones but they tend to get a little rough. But, by all means, leave a joke. It doesn't have to be clean like mine. That was the first old person joke that popped in my head. And your joke can be about anything. I hope that everyone can get a good chuckle out of this post. We all need a good laugh or two.

While I am at it.

The last post reminded me of yet another old man story that happened back around the summer of 1999. And the old man in the story was also hard to understand. So, I will tell the story as the best I remember it.

I was working as an intern for a private civil engineering business. I was with two other guys and we had to go to Hindman, KY to do a survey for the state. Lunchtime came and we went to the "mini mall" they had close by to where we were at. After eating at the family restuarant there, we sat out in the lobby area of the "mall" to finish out our lunch. As we sat, we were saying hello to passer-bys just to be friendly. Not a single soul responded to our friendly gestures. We were snobbed by people in Hindman, KY. I will let that set in for a minute before proceeding forward.

Just a minute more.

Okay.

Finally, this old man came along and one of my colleagues decided to try to communicate with the locals. He actually responded but not in the way we intended. It was funny. We could only make out every other word. In between words were sounds and mumbles that we couldn't comprehend. On top of that, the octone of his voice kept raising and lowering. And I will try to recreate the conversation that took place.

Friend: Hello

Old Man: Hello hmphf murf *mumble mumble* today

Friend: (Holding back laughter) Just fine. And you?

Old Man: *Mumble* *Mumble* zippity ho hot sunshine shade

Friend: Yeah, we are out working. We are trying to take it easy for a minute before we have to go back out. Trying to let this food settle.

Old Man: Yeah, working *mumble* hiding from bossman *mumble* *mumble* pine tree blacksnake.

(At this time, we are all almost in tears about to bust out laughing)

Friend: (Says this as he is laughing.) Really? Yeah, we aren't hiding. We actually need to get back.

Old Man: Heh heh. You boys balati coo up bibity.

Friend: (Waves). Ok. Zimity bo.

Old Man: Hacha ba. Ha ha.

Then the old man walked out of the mini lobby and out to his car. We then proceeded to laugh uncontrollably. Our friend just carried on a conversation with this guy and we didn't have a clue what he said or what he was talking about. But, at least he talked to us. I think he talked to us. Now that I look back over this, I don't know if you could count this as a conversation. At any rate, it gave us something to laugh at and a story to stick with us for a long, long time.

Too crazy to make up.

Ok, I just have to tell this story. I will try to put in all that I remember. I know there will be parts that I miss because I was trying not to laugh. So, here we go.

This happened yesterday while I was sitting at a police station in the front lobby. I was there at my will and I wasn't in trouble. I am not getting into the details of why I was there, just that I was there. At any rate, a elderly man walks in and goes to the front desk there in the main lobby (I guess that is what you would call it). He was telling the receptionist that he had a problem and wanted to report it. After telling a brief description of what happened, the receptionist told him to sit and wait for a police officer. And keep in mind, he is not the greatest linguist in the world. He is one of those old men that he slurs his words and you can pick up every other word.

So, he sits down and I talk to him. Just casual conversation and trying not to smile. The guy was cracking me up just the way he was talking. I was able to carry on the conversation with just making out every other word...which I thought was a feat. A patrolwoman finally showed up to get a report off of him. The first words out of his mouth to her was grilling her to find out her rank. After repeating her rank several times to him, he finally started giving his report. I guess he wanted like the chief of police or something. I have no idea. But, I started giggling and trying my best to hold back my laughter.

He goes into his story. His story starts out by saying that basically he got cheated by a jewelry store owner. He bought a necklace for his wife and forgot that she was allergic to gold. So, he took it back and the owner said that he would buy it back at a 10% discount. He said that the owner claimed that since it was a special make, the factory wouldn't pay full price and would only give 90% of the worth. So, this old man claimed that he was cheated out of $70. To combat this treachery, the old man kept going back to the store and wanting his money back. And, evidentally, the owner was fed up and pulled a gun on the old man. Which why the guy was there, to report that the gun was drawn on him. Now, comes the good part.

The old man became a little agitated after telling the story. This next part I am going to sum up from what he told and what I remember. Note that I was trying to concentrate on both the story and to keep from laughing. He then went on commenting that he went to the eye doctor to check and see if he had lightening bolts in his eyes. He knew he had lightening bolts in one of his eyes and was wanting to know which one the bolt was in. Because one eye condemns and the other eye blesses. The eye doctor dialated his eyes, waited 15 minutes for the drops to take effect, and the doctor said that he had bolts in both his eyes. After finding this out, his hand and middle finger became numb and he struck his eye that condems.

At this point, I am almost about to die from holding in my laughter. And the look on the officer's face was not helping. She had to have the old man repeat that last part because she didn't really understand it at all. Niether did I but I didn't have to understand it. I only had to hold back my laughter. So, to get out of the situation, the officer told the guy to wait where he was at and that she would get her superior. I could see a smile as she left to go get someone else.

After a few minutes of me agreeing with him that it was wrong for the owner to take his money, she comes back out with a lieutenant. Again, he states his story. And the lieutenant said that he would draw up paper work about the gun but couldn't do anything about the money. Then the old man starts up again.

He was going on ranting about that people like him was the only hope for this country. And that it was up to them to protect this country from China. Evidentally the chinese are coming in and destroying this country. And it was up to him (and those like him) to protect this country from China. You know, using the lightening bolts in his eyes.

After all was said and done, I went up to the officers and apologized for laughing. I didn't bust out in laughter. I kept it in but was shaking from holding it in. They got a laugh out of it. I did not envy them at all. I would say that this kind of stuff happens on a regular basis. I couldn't be a cop because of that. I would end up laughing in someone's face. But I did have a good laugh when all parties dealing with that incident left.

Why?

This post is going to be another ranting one. I need to find an outlet..something to maybe ease my nerves. So, maybe by writing about it, then it just may make me feel a little bit better.

Why is it that when honest people, good natured people, try to do what is right and try to get on with their lives, some freaking piece of crap comes in and messes it up? Why can't they screw up some other piece of crap up? These are just a couple of things I have been thinking about over the last few days. I have had someone close to me hurt. And I felt so helpless that there is nothing that I can really do. I would love it more than anything to go and take the law in my own hands. But I know that I can't do that. I actually abide by the law and that is what hurts me sometimes. I know if I do something like that, then I would be punished far worse than what the other person started. I like to find a peaceful solution to a problem. But this is one where physical violence was my first option. I was at the point to where I could care less if I was injured. I could care less how bad my injuries were. I would be on a mission and wouldn't stop until I wasn't physically able or the job was done.

I am sick and tired of the wicked getting their ways. They do whatever they want and don't get more than a slap on the hand. What good does it do to be honest and try to be a good person? It just seems that if you do that then you become a target for the wicked, for the sick and twisted. Now, maybe you can see why I read comics. You go into a world that there are evil but there are those that stand up for good. There are those that fight for the helpless and defend the innocent. They make the wicked feel helpless..the same feeling that innocent people feel when they are attacked. And none of you can tell me that there isn't a time when you wanted to turn into Hulk and just start smashing stuff.

I just wish there was some way to place fear into those that attack the innocent. Yeah, you could say you can press charges and send them to jail. But let's face it, jail isn't really a true punishment. If you want to punish someone, then they should just throw them in a cage and keep them there. To me, you do something so heinous then you lose all your rights. That's right, you get locked up like an animal. They throw in food to you in your cell and you don't get out for anything. You don't get out of your cage for recreation, to get to watch tv, nothing. If you don't want that then don't do the crime. Also, sometimes prison doesn't change people..at least to the better. They just stew in jail and think of ways to inact their "revenge" on the people that put them in there. They don't realize that it is their fault that they are in there. They did the crime but want to blame the people that fight back.

I just don't know any more. I wish sometimes that there is something that I could do. I want to make them feel helpless. But I don't have any special powers nor am I anybody important in the world. I am just a regular Joe just trying to get by in this world..trying to help the ones I care about. I don't know anymore...I just don't know.

Thank you for staying here and letting me vent a little bit. Maybe this will help, maybe it won't. Maybe this post will stay up then again I may take this one down after awhile. At any rate, thank you for going this far. Hopefully, the next post will be more of a cheerful one and I will be back to my old self.

I have been commissioned.

Welcome back everyone. I hope that all enjoyed the holidays. I hope that it was safe and everyone was able to be with family and friends.

Alright, as the title says....I have been commissioned to answer a burning question that was left in a comment in the previous post. The question is basically asking about the origins of cosmic Spider-Man and my nerdiness might be able to shine a light on the situation. Which is going to be kinda tricky. I can't really recall which happened first but I do believe that it happened in this order. Again, I am just doing this from memory and searched the internet for only pictures to give a visual of the costume and the exact comic covers of the cosmic spidey events.


First, our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man was "possessed" by Captain Marvel. Captain Marvel was a cosmic being and was killed during a fight. However, his spirit continued to roam the universe. Now, if memory serves me correctly, in the issue Spider-Man gets Captain Marvels' powers, the powers are bestowed to a dog first. He resuces his owners from a certain death due to a hot air balloon mishap. Then the spirit leaves the dog and goes on to search for another host. The powers never stay with a particular being because it will drive the host completely insane. It stays long enough to complete a huge task then leaves. The picture shown here is the Captain Marvel version of cosmic Spider-Man. I believe that this version lasted a couple of issues and can't really remembered what Spidey fought and when Marvel's powers left him. There is a issue of What-If that goes into the scenario of what if the powers stayed with Spider-Man. And as all great What-If's that deal with Spider-Man, Spidey is killed at the end.


The other cosmic Spider-Man was in his traditional costume. Spidey got his powers from a lab accident at the college during an experiment that Peter Parker was helping with. Basically, a genterator exploded and Parker jumped in to save the professor from certain doom. However, the generator proved to be a conduit to give Spider-Man the power cosmic. This story line can be found in this issue shown. Again, going from memory, this issue basically starts off with some villians getting together and deciding to fight each other's nemisis. The line of thinking here is that the people they normally fight are used to fighting them and this is why they are always being defeated. So, by switching heroes, then they can defeat said hero because the hero won't know how to fight them. And the Trapster gets to fight Spidey in this issue which is a Human Touch villian...I believe. Please correct me if I am wrong here. At any rate, Spidey fights Trapster at the beginning and gets the better of him. Trapster is gloating over is victory and truly believes he destroyed Spidey. But, the wall crawler was able to escape death from the hands of the Trapster. After the fight, the accident happens (which is explained earlier) and Spidey gets the power cosmic. He first realizes his new power when he comes to the rescue of some citizens when a power cable is cut and flailing wildley. He realized that he should have been killed from the electricity when he was struck by the cable while he was protecting people from it. Then later on, he faces Trapster again with his new powers. Needless to say, Spidey mops the floor with him. Like I said, this issue begins a series where Spidey fights an array of people, like Magneto. Which was another good issue. He fights Magneto in a junkyard. Talk about a very big disadvange that Spidey was facing. Fighting the master of metal in an old junkyard full of old cars. Yep, it was a very good fight. In that same issue, Spider-Man learned that he could fly.
*Just a side note. This same style cover was used when Spider-Man lost his powers for an issue. Basic differences are that Spidey is doing a shrug with his sholders and a crook was coming through the doorway instead of Trapster.

Now, I just had to mention this because of what was in the last comment. Yes, there was a tussle with the Hulk. As seen here in this issue, which was drawn by none other than Mr. Todd McFarlane. Now this wasn't the first time Spider-Man faced the Hulk. Basically, after defeating Magneto, the bad guys start to get worried about Spidey's new powers. And Parker was getting used to his new found powers. I believe in this issue, he dispatched a group of bad guys trying to blow up the Statue of Liberty with ease. He whipped them and encased the bombs they had with webbing and used his cosmic powers to turn said webbing into adamantium. The bombs went off but did no damage to the structure. At any rate, the bad guys go out into the desert and find the grey Hulk sitting on his "throne". They made a deal with the Hulk to destroy Spider-Man. They began to fight and Spidey was just trying to keep him at bay. Until he noticed that innocent lives were in danger and the Hulk was not going to stop until the job was done. So, Spidey punched the Hulk so hard that he put Hulk into orbit. But, being the character that Spidey is, he flew up and brought the big lug back to Earth.

There were many more adventures. At one point, he fought the Tri-Sentinel created by Loki. But it is hard to remember because I haven't picked those issues up in a long time. All this happened when I was a little nerd...just starting out in my nerd quest.

Now, that is what I remember about the cosmic Spidey era. This is just from my memory banks and not looking up information nor going back through old issues to read up on it. Granted that I did look up pics to put into this post but I believe the pics are nice visuals. If there are those out there that could add and/or correct anything that I have posted, then feel free to post a comment. Hope that answers or brings back any memories of the cosmic Spidey era, Cory. Heh heh. Well, that is enough dorkism for awhile...later all.